When something goes well, it seems too good to be true?

I have to tendency to follow my mind FIRST before the heart — logic just makes more sense to me and all the pieces fall in the right place. In actuality, I just don’t want to deal with the emotional piece, the uncertainty.

I grew up on learning how to make it in this world by using my brain — no one cared about what makes me happy or what I was interested in; being happy did not help me become a better test taker — I had to unlock my brain to teach myself how to view tests in another perspective and train the mind to be a better test taker. Tests still give me anxiety; just give me a DIY project instead! lol

I’ve come across multiple people and situations where I find myself in disappointment — the feeling is as grand as being told a lie. IT SUCKS! and it takes a lot of energy out of me that could’ve been used to appreciate a delicious meal. lol. As a result, I lock my heart away in a chamber behind plexiglass and steel gates where the guards only allow those with the password to enter. So what happens when the password is exposed and the gates are opened? The plexiglass walls are still up but giving the heart the opportunity to peer through the other side.

Baby steps… baby steps. and remind myself not to self-sabotage.